Anatomy of a Marriage Break-Up is my first foray into Blogland. Some of you may know of me as "Mr Husband" - courtesy of my (almost ex-)wife's blog - there portrayed as a rather simple and naive two dimensional character, presented with the right "spin" to enhance her unfolding and self-serving diary. As soon to become "Mr ex-Husband", my blog tries to redress the balance a little, a place to collect some of my random musings, bleatings, thoughts and feelings - to get things off my chest - as I try to come to terms with the collapse of my world and try to look beyond it. It is dedicated to all (male or female) who have experienced sudden and inexplicable marriage break-up, partly brought about by a direct result of the Internet. It is also in part a love letter to my (almost ex-)wife - too late I know - but nevertheless an expression of the feelings that I hold for her, but which somehow when it mattered most, through my carelessness or inattention I did not manage to convey to her. I hope that this blog can help us all get to "the other side" and beyond. Lastly, I trust that those blogging "friends" of my (nearly ex-)wife, who commentated and passed judgement (however well-intentioned their views and advice were) on her presentation of Mr Husband in her blog, might reflect on the harm and "false courage" this can generate. Perhaps my own blog might give a different perspective (I am happy to maintain their anonymity if they also wish to make comments back to myself). At the end of the day, no-one fully knows the real person behind a blog, merely those selected aspects of their character that are carefully crafted into the fantasy that they wish to portray to you.
Recent comments (30)
In response to: "Affairs" 263 days old
by Fluffchucker [Member]
That one about the Smiths is superb!!
& Dariafan, I believe in this case you are preaching to the converted. more…
In response to: "Affairs" 264 days old
by deleted user [Visitor]
Lol none of that would be funny in real life though cheating is disgusting more…
In response to: "Unrequited Love and Fidelity (Part 2)" 288 days old
by deleted user [Visitor]
The brilliant Thomas Mann!
Not for me to elaborate on the master's musings but doesn't the flame of fidelity (and love) require to be fed and nurtured? Fantasies can only go so far... more…
In response to: "Love Potion" 304 days old
by Starwatcher Pro
Certainly a valid thought.
There's no doubt that the arrival of children and the exposure to possibly different attitudes towards parenting can cause a lot of stress between a couple and be damaging to a relationship (and the children).
"Competing" for the children's love and attention and showing a lack of respect for th more…
In response to: "Love Potion" 304 days old
by Starwatcher Pro
I don't mind essays, as you can probably tell from some of my posts!
Your comment adds another interesting perspective on the subject. The "7 year itch" certainly seems to have held in my (wife's) case. We've had the two children, job done, "boredom" has set in, have worn that t-shirt and so it must be time (for her) to move on.
more…
In response to: "Love Potion" 305 days old
by subville [Member]
In reading the post and that comment ^^^ I imagine that different parenting styles can cause parents to look for a new mate. Just a thought x more…
In response to: "Love Potion" 305 days old
by SlightlyInsane [Member]
If you think at the lustful-love from an evolutionary perspective, it is the feeling the monogamous homo sapiens feel for the first few years (give or take) just to make it highly likely they'll copulate like mad and thus pass on their genes on to the next generation. People report their love can change when they have children, as now this love is more…
In response to: "Who Else Would Put Up With You?" 306 days old
by Starwatcher Pro
Thank you for your kind good wishes. Please see my reply to Sidejump above.
I don't doubt that she (Lu) has let go completely and has run away from everything. Even her blog.
For me, fully letting go would be a lot easier if there were no children involved. There will forever be that thread binding us together, whatever t more…
In response to: "Who Else Would Put Up With You?" 306 days old
by Starwatcher Pro
Thank you. I do not hold out any real hope of reconciliation, but writing every now and again helps with closure (even though I know that she is not minded to read what I say).
Thankfully, she has landed herself a job, can now soon move out and maybe it will then be easier to fully let go - except that I will always be "stuck" with her more…
In response to: "Who Else Would Put Up With You?" 306 days old
by Starwatcher Pro
Linda
Thank you for your kind wishes.
I do not know the background and rights or wrongs of your particular "transgression" within a few months of "knowing" her, as it will have been a private matter.
In my own experience, it has often been too easy to "transgress", however good one's intentions. Actions/word more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 306 days old
by Starwatcher Pro
Anna
I am sorry that you have had to take so much "flak" publicly for going against the grain and bravely stating your views.....for having been able to see between the lines and not just accept and applaud what you read at face value.
I think that your perceptiveness is spot on and summed up when you state that you "didn more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 314 days old
by deleted user [Visitor]
she and Lucrezia are one and the same.... even!
My thought train is getting derailed again, I'm afraid :( (nobody's fault, not even mine) more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 314 days old
by deleted user [Visitor]
I think I much prefer Angie and Shoelaces to Lucrezia. When I read Shoelaces' poetry I would never, in a million years, say she one and the same woman as Lucrezia Borgia.
Shoelaces and the woman your husband paints here (even though crippled by all the sins, resentments and failings he dredges the picture up with - quite rightly so if that i more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 315 days old
by lucreziaborgia Pro
Anna,
I'm afraid that I removed your PM to me without reading it - coward that I am, I could not take any more criticism for one day! However, I have made my (previously private) post available publicly, so that you can see that I did not 'CRUCIFY' you, and never would. I am genuinely sorry that's the way you feel, but am not going to more…
In response to: "Who Else Would Put Up With You?" 316 days old
by Prettyintelligentprincess Pro
I agree with SJ. A heartfelt post and I hope your office move into home goes well...
But...
one of you has to let go...completely..and the bitter sweet irony is that neither of you have. more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 316 days old
by deleted user [Visitor]
My explanation, as promised.
Your wife removed herself from my friends list, which is what I called for in my comment above so it should not upset me. I should've done it myself but I'm too polite to be blatant in expressing my sentiments, which is is probably hypocritical and so sadly middle-class of me.
I am glad the air is cl more…
In response to: "Who Else Would Put Up With You?" 317 days old
by deleted user [Visitor]
a very moving post. I think it will speak to a lot of people, although maybe not the person that you wish it would speak to. Emotions are raw, the days are still young. I wish you all well in the future, but it will not be an easy road. more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 317 days old
by Starwatcher Pro
Anna
Again, thank you for bothering at all. Your comments are always appreciated, but there is neither a need to "explain" yourself nor justify why you need to distance yourself from "all this". Indeed, I am sure that there is plenty more of interest than this saga!
Believe me, I have been trying with some difficulty to "distance more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 318 days old
by deleted user [Visitor]
empathise even! Damn it. more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 318 days old
by deleted user [Visitor]
Dear Starwatcher,
It its transparent you love your wife and I would like to give you positive encouragement but I fear I find less and less affinity with your wife as time and her story unfolds. There are developments I find offensive and I am on the verge of cutting myself away from this farce of derision and condescension.
I a more…
In response to: "Who Else Would Put Up With You?" 318 days old
by husbandorcat [Member]
I feel for you both, and for your children. As you say, you are more trapped than she.
I sincerely tried to be her friend, but I transgressed unwittingly and found myself also 'discarded'. In learning to see her more clearly, I was also able to see myself in a different light, which has helped me to make my own personal decision.
I wish more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 318 days old
by Starwatcher Pro
Dear ABE-unlimited
Thank you very much for your words of comfort and support. I really appreciated your very kind comments and good wishes, especially as you were prepared to go public too.
My wife is a very beautiful and fragile soul, but possessed and driven by a number of demons from her past. Her emotional make up does more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 318 days old
by Starwatcher Pro
Thank you for your comment and apologies for my belated reply. Perhaps my (next) post - "Who Else Would Put Up With You?" - illuminates.
more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 319 days old
by Starwatcher Pro
Thank you Tylluanpenry - rather belatedly. I am sorry, but I have been "off" these pages of late.
If Mr Penry and yourself are too wrapped up in each other (nothing just to do with the drop in temperature I assume!), then that's great. As you recognise, there will be good times and dark days, but as you have each not been totally sel more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 329 days old
by deleted user [Visitor]
Dear Sir,
I am one of your wife's blog "friends" and I won't hide behind anonymity in expressing my grief at the disintegration of your family.
I hope I wasn't the one to give your wife false courage (at least, if I had done that it would have been inadvertently). From the moment I read her blog entries a cold shiver ran t more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 341 days old
by husbandorcat [Member]
Perhaps the kindest thing such individuals can do for their partners is to leave them in peace to get on with their own lives.
I can't imagine why anyone would want to stay married to one.
more…
In response to: "The Dangers of Taking Our Emotions Too Seriously" 344 days old
by tylluanpenry [Member]
Mr Penry and I have been 'manacled together' for many years now. Like everyone else we've had our good times and dark days and I'm not sure there's a secret to it, other than I feel we bring out the best in each other.
I was very interested in your observation that some people are just too wrapped up in themselves to be able to reac more…
In response to: "Nothing Left To Lose" 395 days old
by Starwatcher Pro
Subville - well spotted on the quoted lyric!
Thank you for your kind words of comfort. They are much appreciated.
I do believe that she DID once love me in the same way as I (still) love her. But she wants to be the (single/"free") person she was before we met, not the one who I thought wanted to find stability, settle d more…
In response to: "Nothing Left To Lose" 395 days old
by deleted user [Visitor]
Thank you. I am really sorry to have done this to you, and it pains me to see that you are also required to be strong for the sake of everybody when you really would want (and possibly need) to fall apart. I am simply not the person you thought I was and can no longer try to be. Our children are lucky to have us both, and that we will be in agreeme more…
In response to: "Nothing Left To Lose" 395 days old
by subville [Member]
Me 'n' Bobby McGee.
I do feel for you, Starwatcher. It's awful to lose someone you love. I can't give any advice ... cos I'm a bit crap. But I do hope you meet someone who loves you in the same way as you love her. Stay friends with her? (aw damn, there I go with the advice :( )
Wishing you swift healing xxxx more…